Neopronouns are pronouns that some people use because the usual options do not feel right, do not feel complete, or simply do not fit as well. You do not need a degree in grammar to treat them with care. Learn the words, use them when asked, and move on with the conversation.
A useful starting point
| Pronouns are | Words people use for someone in place of their name. |
| Neopronouns are | Pronouns beyond the most familiar sets, such as xe/xem or ze/zir. |
| The respectful move | Use the pronouns a person asks you to use. |
What does neopronouns mean?
Neopronouns are newer or less common pronoun sets. The word is broad. It can include sets that have been around for a long time, such as ze/zir, as well as pronouns that are newly coined or newly visible in a particular community. Some people use neopronouns alongside they/them. Others use them on their own.
Pronouns are part of how people refer to one another in everyday life: at work, in class, at dinner, in group chats, everywhere. For someone who uses neopronouns, hearing the right words can make a room feel less like a test. It says, plainly, that you paid attention.
There is no quiz that determines whether a set is real enough. A pronoun works because a person asks to be addressed that way and the people around them make the small effort to do it. That is the whole job.
Common neopronoun examples
There is no master list, and you do not need to memorize every set before you can be respectful. You only need to learn the sets used by people in your life. A few examples help show the pattern:
These examples are not a menu for other people to assign. They are a reminder that pronoun sets have grammar, context, and a person behind them. If you are unsure how a particular set sounds in a sentence, ask once, privately if that feels more comfortable, or look at the person’s own example.
Neopronouns, gender, and identity
Neopronouns are often discussed alongside nonbinary identity, but neither word is a shortcut for the other. Some nonbinary people use they/them. Some use she/her, he/him, a mix, or neopronouns. Some people who are not nonbinary use neopronouns too. A person’s pronouns tell you how to refer to them, not their entire story.
That distinction matters because curiosity can tip into interrogation fast. It is fine to learn the basics. It is not necessary to ask someone to explain their body, transition, dating life, or every reason a word fits. Let people share what they want to share.
If you want more grounding on the larger language, our plain guide to nonbinary meaning and guide to genderqueer meaning can help. Both start from the same idea: labels are tools people choose for themselves.
How to use neopronouns respectfully
Most of the anxiety around neopronouns comes from the fear of getting it wrong. A mistake is not the same thing as refusing to try. Practice lowers the stakes, and a clean correction keeps the attention where it belongs.
| 1 | Listen for the pronouns a person gives you.Use them in introductions, bios, conversation, and any setting where the person has shared them. |
| 2 | Practice one or two ordinary sentences.Say the person’s name and pronouns in your head before a meeting or event. Familiarity comes from repetition. |
| 3 | Correct briefly when you miss.Say the right word, then finish the thought. A long apology can make a small moment heavier than it needs to be. |
| 4 | Do not make the person your grammar tutor.There are guides, friends, and quiet practice. Save deeper questions for a time when they are welcome. |
When you are talking about someone who is not there, use the same care. Respect is not a performance for the person who asked. It is a habit.
Getting comfortable without putting the burden on someone else
A little private practice goes a long way, especially before a busy social gathering. Before you see a friend, colleague, or classmate, make up two ordinary sentences that use the pronouns they shared. Keep them boring on purpose: “Xe will join us at six.” “I saved zir seat.” Your mouth gets used to the shape of the sentence before the real conversation starts.
It also helps to notice the places where pronouns show up beyond a direct conversation. A group email, a story about weekend plans, a note after a meeting, or a caption under a photo can all be chances to get it right. If a system you use has a profile field or a name list, update it when the person asks. Do not announce the change unless they want it public.
Friends and coworkers can help too. If you hear someone make a mistake, a quick restatement usually does the job: “Yes, xe mentioned that earlier.” It keeps the person in the conversation instead of turning them into a lesson. If you are not sure whether a correction would make a situation less safe or more awkward, follow the lead of the person whose pronouns are being discussed.
Some people use different pronouns in different settings. That can be about comfort, privacy, family, safety, or simply what feels right. Respecting that does not mean you need to guess. Ask what they want from you, then keep that information private.
A few mistakes worth skipping
MISTAKE 01
Treating unfamiliar as impossible.
You learned unfamiliar names, places, and technical terms before. Pronouns are learnable too. Give yourself a little practice instead of making a person defend their language.
MISTAKE 02
Using someone’s name to dodge their pronouns forever.
A name is not a workaround. Use it while you practice, then build the pronouns into normal speech.
MISTAKE 03
Turning a correction into a debate.
A correction is information, not an invitation to argue about grammar, identity, or whether a person has earned respect.
Support can be simple and visible
Support does not require a perfect script. It can look like adding pronouns to an optional introduction, updating a contact list when someone asks, correcting a friend without making a scene, or making space for a person to answer for themself. For more everyday ideas, see how to use they/them pronouns and how to support trans friends with care.
Visible Pride items can also signal that a home or gathering is trying to be a safer place. They are not a substitute for respectful behavior, but they can make the welcome easier to spot. These are broad community items, not neopronoun-specific products.
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Community pick Non-Binary Pride Flag A clear, colorful way to show support for nonbinary people in a home, workspace, or event setting. Shop the flag → |
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Community pick Transgender Pride Flag A meaningful option for showing up for trans community members with care and consistency. Shop the flag → |
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Community pick Inclusive Progress Pride Flag A broad Pride flag for spaces that want their welcome to include the full community. Shop the flag → |
Neopronouns FAQ
What are neopronouns?
Neopronouns are pronouns used by some people in addition to, or instead of, more familiar pronouns such as she, he, or they. Examples include xe/xem, ze/zir, and ey/em. Each person decides which words fit them.
Are neopronouns only used by nonbinary people?
No. Some nonbinary people use neopronouns, while others use they/them, she/her, he/him, or a mix. People of many gender identities may use neopronouns. Pronouns do not tell you everything about someone’s gender.
How do I use neopronouns if I am new to them?
Ask or follow the person’s lead, say the pronouns out loud a few times, and use their name while you are practicing. A quick correction is enough when you slip.
Is it rude to ask someone how to pronounce their pronouns?
A respectful, brief question is fine when you need it: “Could you tell me how you say those pronouns?” Listen, try, and do not make the person teach a full class unless they offer.
What should I do if I make a pronoun mistake?
Correct yourself briefly and continue. Do not turn a small correction into a long apology that makes the other person reassure you. Aim to do better the next time.
Can a person use more than one set of pronouns?
Yes. Someone may use multiple sets, such as they/she or xe/they. If they have a preference about how to rotate or choose between them, follow it. If not, use each set respectfully.
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Make room for people as they are. Small acts of respect add up. Learn the words, use them, and let people feel at home. |
